I am now on my second Friday of sabbatical and thought I would do a series of intermittent reflections as the waiting to work goes on! I have shifted from having plenty to say, but not much energy to say it with, to slowing right down and being accused by my kids of looking SO bored *as I try and support them through their public exams, cooking and occasionally chauffeuring them to school*.

I has been a time to read and a time to take some baby steps towards getting fit. It was also briefly a time for retreat…

Fortunately I met with an old friend/mentor last year who had written a How To guide on preparing for sabbatical. Along with my spiritual director check-ups and a hard look in the mirror (literally) earlier in the year, this pursuaded me to try and build into the sabbatical not crash into it. Just as well I got that MEMO as May was crazy busy as we hosted 22 people in London and Ireland from 5 continents, had a leadership team and trustees retreat and spoke all over the place (if by all over the place you mean Kent where I have done 4 events in the past few weeks).

So at the start of April (beginning with the Mandy Thursday Last Supper re-enactment) I had my last glass of wine. From the start of May TV (except football!) and social media scrolling on my phone were cut out. From June (actual start of sabbatical) sugary stuff cut out too along with a general cutback in calories.

TV/social has been largely replaced with reading – beginning with a brilliant book on Revelation (the one you wish you could have written!).

Discipleship on the Edgeby Darrell Johnson is 30 talks on the Revelation of Jesus Christ in the final book of the bible – where the basic thesis is a) ‘all is not as it seems’ there is a real fight going on over this world and our lives, and b) ‘all is not as it seems’ Jesus (the slaughtered little lamb of God) is sitting on a throne where only God sits and he has not vacated control, but has the whole world in his hands. Tim Hughes said, ‘my faith came alive as I read this book.’ It is brilliant and I reckon I agreed with 90+% of it. An excellent read.

I also picked up a book called 40 Days of Decrease which I am working through roughly every other day – so it may stretch to 80 days. Really inciteful little devotional book with recommended daily fasts you might not have thought of – like fasting worry, hurry or lack of attentiveness. Great quotes and useful so far.

At Ffald-y-Brenin I raced through a commentary on Ephesians – absolutely exhilarating at times – never done that before with a proper commentary (including Greek translations and everything) but felt God wouldn’t let me leave there until it was finished and was very glad I did… sort of book you come away with wanting to give away (in lots of talks of your ‘own’) so probably great I have to sit with it a long time before I get to share what Ephesians 4-5 teaches us is needed to be filled with the Spirit (hint: it includes thankfulness). You can check it out for yourself: Clinton E Arnold: Exegetical Commentary on Ephesians – stunning treatment of Spiritual Warfare/magic in Ephesus and the background to the book (although I still am drawn to the Douglas Moo/NT Wright idea that Paul may well have been imprisoned in Ephesus and wrote from there).

After that I got home and hit the Grisham novels with a vengeance as I began to crash out and realised I needed to stop. Rogue Lawyer, Camino Ghosts, The Rooster Bar and The Judge’s List all devoured intermixed with Francine Prose After – a rich parable of state control based in a school where harsh new regulations are imposed after a school shooting over 50 miles away. On the spiritual side Revelation and Ephesians had left me wanting to know more about Ezekiel, and I turned to Roy Clements Practising Faith in a Pagan World which was gloomy, but excellent, and proved a nice opportunity to reconnect with an old pastor by email (Clinton Arnold also wrote a very nice note after I had told him I’d read his book in a few days – I’m guessing that happens less to authors of commentaries than fiction!). Accompanying that I daisy picked into my old SOMA boss Patrick Whitworth’s 2008 book on Preparing for Exile – one I will be returning to as he links Ezekiel’s experience to the 21st Century Church.

Recycling the novels in Nicola’s book box

Gradually my attention has been turning inward – with the help of my Burn Like Stars group – of three clergy going through life and sabbatical at roughly the same time, connecting weekly on a video call and regular WhatsApps. I was drawn to a book called ‘Why Emotions Matter‘ by a couple called Tristen and John Collins. He is the illustrator for the Bible Project and she is a psychotherapist. It covers sadness, happiness, anger, fear, shame and jealousy – for each emotion suggesting why they may be valuable not simply how to control (or ignore) them. Helpful to have a couple share openly about their emotional journey. It had been recommended by a friend who had found it a ministry saver. I saved up the questions to go through at leisure.

Finally(!) I have started the book that leapt off the shelf at me at Ffald-y-Brenin. Mark Buchanan’s The Rest of God: Restoring your soul by restoring sabbath. This may well be genius. Each chapter is intermixed with what he calls a ‘sabbath liturgy’ – an action not usually a prayer – and it is a massive wake up call to rethink work, leisure and ‘receiving the rest of God.’ Beautifully written – maybe self-indulgently good at times – but full of profound insights (like why leisure is not the same thing as sabbath rest), which I imagine I am racing past, even when using it as a chapter at a time between chunks of Grisham novels. It starts with getting us to understand what work actually is – and the ‘sabbath liturgy’ is getting us to ‘eucharist like’ give thanks for the work we get to do.

It has been interesting watching my emotional range the past two weeks… I started the sabbatical still pumping with adrenaline, after a three sermon Sunday, and pilgrim drive from London-Cardiff for the Premier Inn luxury. I loved the solitude and ruggedness of West Pembrokeshire shoreline at St Non’s well and chapel, and the unexpectedly hiking the coast path. I was freezing at the retreat centre, but layered up, piled the blankets on and had profound times in the chapel and on the mountain top of the ‘Mountain of Angels’ next door where Celtic saints did battles with gods and demons until the hillsides and valleys were cleared for a move of God. I returned to London to serve with family, full of expectation of usefulness, but needing to flake out under duvets and read novels about the (desperate) heritage of a slave island, lawyers’ pursuing justice by any means necessary and law students who couldn’t afford their loans. I have had some precious time with kids, some frustrating time with kids, some precious time with myself and frustrating time with myself… all in all I am trying to learn something from the 40 Days of Decrease book: The progressing from Love of Self for Self – Love of God for Self – Love of God for God – Love of Self for God. The hope is that this may lead on to an increase in Love of Others for God to…

Next week I journey to Scotland with my 16 year old boy. We’re heading to the Isle of Harris via Birmingham, the Lakes, Ben Nevis and Skye. It will be a bit of a pilgrim journey for me to the place where Duncan Campbell ministered in the 1950s. Some exercise and about 700 miles each way. Would be a great place to meet the Fire that burned there so brightly 75 years ago.